Dad and Clarice

Clarice was Dad's older sister. There were three years separating them in age; Clarice being born in 1908 and Dad in 1911. Their closeness was not only in age, but also in love.

Dad and Clarice spent a lifetime joking and teasing one another. Each gave as good as they got. So many times when they were together, the banter between them would roll. He would kid her about her weight, and she would counter with a remark about his lack of height. She would say that he needed to respect his elders, as she was older than he was, and he would counter with his opinion that his parents saved the best of their children for the last, which was what he was. With all of their kidding and joking, I never, ever heard either of them say anything that could be considered mean. They loved each other.

Both Dad and Clarice lived in the Blackduck Apartments for a number of years. I noticed at that time how they were concerned about one another. Dad would go to her apartment to check up on her, and she would stop in at his apartment to see him, nearly on a daily basis. But neither would let on that they were checking on each other to make sure each was OK. They treated those times as if they were just popping in to say hello. Each was able to maintain their dignity and independence this way, and it worked for them.

I came to understand better about their love for one another when both of them were residents of the nursing home in Blackduck. Clarice had lost her ability to remember beyond a minute or so. Yet, whenever I went to see her, she always knew who I was, and this amazed me. Dad was no longer able to care for himself, and had fallen several times before finally going into the nursing home. He used a walker or wheelchair to get around, and you could often find him sitting with Clarice in her room. He had more patience with her than I have seen from anyone before or since. Clarice and Dad had this conversation once while I was visiting them.

Clarice: "How is Mom?"

Dad: "Mom died in 1955."

Clarice: "Who is on the home place?"

Dad: "Nobody. The house burned down."

Clarice: "This is Vicki."

Dad: "Yes, this is Vicki."

Clarice: "How is Mom?"...................

These questions would be asked and answered many times over, and I never saw Dad grow impatient. I asked him about this once, and he said, "How could I be impatient with her. She's my sister and I love her."

Shirley told me that Dad and Clarice could be so very funny at times. It seems that as residents of the nursing home, they were brought together with many of the other residents for exercises. For them, in wheelchairs, this meant doing arm stretching exercises to help keep their upper body mobility. They usually sat side by side, and would be dutifully doing their exercises, when Clarice would whack Dad on the back of the head. Dad would continue exercising for a little while, and then reach over and smack her on the shoulder. Pretty soon, Clarice would whack him again, and so it went until one of the aides would say, "Now, you two Mathenys cut it out and behave yourselves."

When Dad died, I was doing pretty well at his funeral. I knew that Dad had lived a good life, and had lived longer in years than most of his brothers and sisters had. We had known for some time that Dad's death was just around the corner, so it was not a shock when it came. When it was time for the funeral to start, Dad's casket was at the back of the church. Earlier, when I had talked to Clarice, she wasn't sure why she was at the church. I was behind Clarice when she was wheeled up to Dad's casket so she could see him. I believe she had a moment of complete clarity, because she reached out and patted his cheek, and said, "Oh, Ralph." That's when my heart broke.

Clarice followed Dad the following year. She was the last of the nine Matheny brothers and sisters. They were quite a clan; kind, loving and full of the dickens. I don't dwell on their deaths, but on the memories I have of all of them. I could always stop in to see any of them and be welcomed with a hug. It is because of them that, although I didn't grow up in the Blackduck area where most of the family was, I always think of that area as home.

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